Talk N’ Shop-A-Mania II Report – Chad 2 Badd vs. Sex Ferguson

John Siino reviews Talk N' Shop-A-Mania II featuring the "Ball for a Ball" match between Chad 2 Badd and Sex Ferguson and tons of insanity.

Talk N’ Shop-A-Mania II

By: John Siino

“The Gimmicks” South Park-style animation starts the show with the Good Brothers & Chico watching TV as we see Anderson’s hot Asian wife about to strip before going to the show.

Chris Jericho as Clint Bobski the host of the evening in a beautiful blue flower suit, after his intro running down the card, he complained that they paid him in quarters and they sent him there in an Uber, he cursed a storm and asked for another Uber so he could leave and said this is the worst show and it’s on you if you ordered it.

Karl Anderson shows up and notices that it’s the same set-up as the first Talk N Shop a Mania, we then see Rocky Romero show up in a kids Jeep toy and complains that this is the rental they gave him. Anderson apologizes as they hug it out and they wonder where Doc Gallows is. Doc shows up in a genie style hologram saying he is staying inside for this whole event. We then see Vernon and his wife still making out from the first show come out from under the ring.

Rocky & Karl go inside where Doc is in bed with his wife and a mannequin named Randall. Karl complains that he can’t be having a threesome with a mannequin and to welcome everybody to the show. Doc says he’s too good for beer but welcomes everybody to Talk N Shop A Mania 2! Anderson says everybody from New York is probably making fun of them now.

We go to ‘earlier today’ where we see a white pickup truck with a US flag swerving in with Gallows as Sex Ferguson driving in. They get attacked by Retripootion, a bunch of guys comically dressed like Retribution with absurd masks on and fart sounds as they attack Gallows. They target his balls as Gallows screams ‘my balls’.

We go to the commentary booth with Anderson, Romero, and Gallows still in his CGI form.

Dave Penzer is about to announce the first match, but Rory Fox comes out and interrupts him running to the ring yelling. Fox says the odds weren’t in his favor at the first show and is talking about his cock and balls as the announce team is talking so loud over him, they are drowning his promo. Fox says the Good Brothers paid him and the ratings are through the roof, it’s a new day for Rory Fox and I’m not ashamed anymore; “Bask in my Package”, he starts to strip down to a thong as Brian Myers & Swoggle come out to interrupt. Myers says he didn’t come out with Matt Cardona, but he brought back Rimjob who also is out in a thong. The hunting referee is back for this event wearing an orange hunting jacket.

Rory Fox & Rimjob vs. Brian Myers & Swoggle

Swoggle & Rimjob start the match as Swoggle hits a ball shot and tags Myers in. Rory Fox runs in still wearing his sunglasses. Myers starts doing the Matt Cardona style comeback as the announce team loses it. Myers misses the Broski boot yelling “Talk N! Shop! A Mania”. Commenters start saying how they failed to book Cardona for this show. The finish comes with Myers trying to help Swoggle up the top rope and comically edits to show Swoggle on top for the pin and the win. Fox helps Rimjob up after the match and then hits a belly to belly suplex.

Winners: Brian Myers & Swoggle

Rory Fox, still in his thong, runs all the way to the back of the house grabbing some sort of weapon and makes sure to go through the ‘entranceway’ again so his music plays. It looks to be some sort of jump rope/leash as he ties it around Rimjob’s neck and Rimjob starts acting like a dog as Fox walks him out to the back while whipping him with the rope.

Rocky Romero is interviewing Lazer about his upcoming match, but they get interrupted by Wrestling Detective Gregory Helms who’s there to solve a murder, Rocky & Lazer are questioning who as they pan down to show a ‘dead body’ on the floor. Rocky asks where Gallows is, as they throw to the sponsors for the night: Pro Wrestling Tees, Pork King Good, HighSpots.Com, and the Shumaker Law Firm

Frankie Coverdale is in the ring waiting for his opponent in this special grudge match, but they get interrupted by a gentleman in a suit named Ball Lameman (playing off Paul Heyman). In his best Heyman impersonation he introduces Freight Train wearing an I’m A Ball Lameman Guy shirt.

Frankie Coverdale vs. Freight Train

Freight Train says, “Talk N Shop Mania, ya’ll done f’d up now…” as Lameman says he can say ‘fuck’, so he repeats the promo with the curse. The commentary gave away the finish of the match as they said Freight Train will whisper in his opponent’s ear before the end. Train zips down Coverdale’s jacket and starts chopping him, Coverdale tries back but Train no-sells it. Train hits an avalanche, a couple of stomps, and then a running elbow they call the “Chattanooga Choo Choo” for the pin. All these moves were done in .5 speed, by the way.  Commentary teases a handicap match with Freight Train vs. Rory Fox & Rimjob.

Winner: Freight Train

Gregory Helms is questioning the Hunter Referee if he’s the murderer, the ref mumbles about killing animals as Helms is confused about what he said and walked away.

Chavo Guerrero and Chico El Luchador cut promos on each talking about their family legacies, Chavo says his family sucks compared to the Guerrero family. Chavo challenges Chico to a once and for all Lucha Death Match. Chico says let’s raise the stakes, let’s make this match to the death, and they can choose any weapon they want and make it a lottery where they both can pick their theme of destruction. Chico says he never jobs and tonight Chavo will do the final job of his career.

Gregory Helms finds Sami Callihan and Madman Fulton at a pool holding hands drinking White Claws questioning where they were this morning. Helms hears a strange sound as he turns to see what it is, he turns back to see Callihan and Fulton dead on the floor saying, “These motherfuckers are dead too, they are killing everybody around here”.

Roll Undershed Match

Teddy Long comes out in his best pair of grey sweatpants asking what these crazy-ass crackers are doing and goes to announce the next match; the Roll Undershed Match. We see a bunch of wrestlers with pool toys and weapons fighting on a tarp. We see Lariato Man fighting Vernon, the Elvis impersonator from earlier while they are surrounded by more wrestlers. A bunch of wrestlers including Lazer, Bryce Cannon, and Roman Roselli starts hitting each other with garbage lids and more before getting attacked by the 80’s Russians with chains. Lazer flies off a tree and then Teddy Long up on the tree as well says this is the worst shit he’s ever seen. As Lazer is attacking an unnamed wrestler, Rhino comes in and spears Lazer as well as the guy even the commentary admits they don’t know who it is, they call him Johnny Stromboli wannabe. Rhino gets surrounded by Tommy Dreamer and Justin Credible who each had a weapon. Rhino says they have been doing hardcore for 25 years, and now they should start going softcore. They start throwing stuffed animals and blow up pool toys to each other as the rest of the wrestlers start chanting “They’re Softcore!” Justin Credible admits to being tired so he lays down for Dreamer who uses hand sanitizer before pinning Credible. A masked wrestler chokes out Dreamer before unmasking to reveal to be Scott D’Amore, so the wrestlers start chanting “Give us jobs!”

Winner: Tommy Dreamer

Helms is back and asks someone with a wig if he knows anything, he says no and points to another wrestler who is clearly one of the 80’s Russians with a mask on and calls himself Reptile. Helms says reptiles are cold-blooded, just like murder.

We go to a pink stretch Hummer and an imitation Evolution comes out including Nathan Orton, Mike Knox as Knoxtista, and Mark Jindrak as Triple Huh. They are joined by the Nature Boy Paul Lee as imitation Evolution music plays with them redoing the classic Evolution promo video of them all in suits walking on a road before Triple Huh aimlessly walks the wrong direction. We go back as we see Triple Huh looking at the real Mark Jindrak. They make fun of the fact that Jindrak didn’t cut it to be in Evolution, Jindrak says he was sent to the car to get his black suit and they never went to get him. In the meantime, he learned two different languages including how to say “Drop Kick” before giving the first-person camera view a dropkick.

George North vs. “Nature Boy” Paul Lee

Lee comes out to the Evolution rip off music and accompanied by Knoxtista and Nathan Orton. Knoxtista trips coming through the ring ropes, calling back to when Batista did. Anderson admits Knox is great and to get Scott D’Amore to get him a job. Nathan does the Orton pose as well. They question if North has ever had a match before, and say he fought Amazing Kong in TNA back in 2009 as a Flying Elvis. Gallows tries to come up with a name for this Evolution group and says Revolution, Cockalution, Penislution before settling with Circumcision just so he could sing “Circumcision is a mystery”. Lee at one-point back body drops North almost on his neck and it looks brutal. Lee has all the Ric Flair mannerisms down for this match and I’ll admit it’s entertaining. North hits a World’s Strongest Slam but misses the People’s Elbow. Gallows questions if they could really be this bad at wrestling. Lee goes for the figure four, but before North could submit Stump Kowalski runs in with a steel chair. Stump goes to hit Lee with it as the camera cuts three different times and each time it switches to a different weapon before landing on a bat. He does hit Lee as North gets the win.

Winner: George North

Knoxtista says that was horrible, kicks Lee low, and hits the Knoxtista Bomb. He tells Nathan to hit the Nathan Punt, which he does rather weakly to the stomach. They do their taunts and celebrate.

Gregory Helms stops Balls Deep Billy, who is showing Helms how to work Tinder, Helms seems amazed by this and as he tries it on the phone, Billy disappears. Chico El Luchador plugs Talk N’ Shop Live in Baltimore on November 22nd.

Helms goes to Robert Gibson’s merch table as he’s there selling gimmicks, they are attempting a conversation, but it cuts back and forth to the commentary (intentionally meant as a screw up). Helms says ‘Touché!” and walks away.

Chris Van Vliet is in downtown LA as he throws to the Lucha Death Match draft which is taking place in what looks like an abandoned garage. Chavo and Chico are surrounded by talent in masks and make their picks. Chavo picks WATTS, Chico picks Alex Kozlov. Chavo counters with Kozlov’s mother as Chico picks a luchador. Chavo picks Taya Valkyrie who plugs her clothing line, Chico asks if he could phone a friend as he asks someone how long it will take him to get to downtown LA. It ends up being JTG who shows up right away. Chavo doesn’t know who to pick so he ends up picking the referee. Chico questions if that’s possible, before picking a brain-eating zombie. Chavo says this is a deathmatch, so wouldn’t he already win? Chavo picks the former Kizarny, Sinn. The numbers are off before Taylor Williamson from America’s Got Talent comes down with a knife, so he ends up being on Chavo’s team. They all face off with their weapons of choice before brawling.

Lucha Death Match

JTG starts off by telling Sinn to eat his shorts, Sinn says that’s a good idea and does a magic trick stuffing the shorts in JTG’s mouth and pulling out three. The referee starts hitting Lucha moves to the luchador as Taya tries to rip off the Zombie’s arm. The Zombie corners the Lucha Ref up against the garage door and starts eating on his neck. The Luchador and Taya go at it before Taya literally snaps off his neck and does a Fatality on him taking out his “spine”. The zombie fears Taya before Kozlov takes out Taya saying she belongs in the kitchen. Kozlov’s mother starts attacking him with a belt and starts spanking him. Kozlov apologizes before fisting his mother. The masked Zombie tells Kozlov he is doing a great job, but he needs to pull his mask over his nose, Kozlov asks who he is to tell him what to do. They start arguing back and forth before Kozlov gets thrown a machine gun and starts shooting the zombie who no-sells the shots. Zombie counters by eating at Kozlov’s neck, but Kozlov pulls out another gun shooting the zombie in the head. WATTS starts talking to Williamson but says he’s never heard of America’s Got Talent. He goes to almost kill Williamson but gets saved by Chico. They both look up to see Chavo laughing maniacally before jumping down with a Hulk-like stomp smashing the ground.

As they are saying their catchphrases, Chavo starts coughing and says, ‘it went down the wrong pipe’ and he was at Sturgis last week. Chico says he’s confused, does he have Corona? Chavo says he doesn’t know he didn’t take the test yet. Chico says that’s good enough, as they start fighting. As Chavo is about to finish him, Chico says to stop with his ‘Ric Flair’ back-off, he sends for backup with Taya and Kozlov’s mother. Chico ducks and JTG hits them with a rocket launcher killing them all, or so he thought, before receiving a screwdriver to the neck. We go to a first-person view as we see Chavo beating down on Chico with a pipe.

We go back to the animation where we see Chico being woken up by Gallows, Anderson & NZO. NZO puts on a scary looking clown mask that scares Chico. They run into Jericho again as Clint Bobski. They go to a table that’s filled with weapons for the deathmatch, NZO takes off his mask when a girl shouts his name. We see a shadowy figure who tells his boss on the phone that he thinks he found NZO. This whole time NZO is wearing a Cruiserweight title with EA on it. We go back to the Death Match. Williamson comes in and kills Chavo with a lightsaber he got through Amazon Prime. Everybody comes back from the dead saying it was all gimmicked but he legit did kill Chavo, Chris Van Vliet comes in doing his best Rod Serling impersonation as if this was just the Twilight Zone.  I have no idea what I just watched, but I think I loved it…

Winner: Chico El Luchador

Gregory Helms runs into Air Paris who is by a replica Barbershop Window and asks him where he was on March 26th, 2001. He said he was home because he was about to get fired.  Helms said he was jumping over to WWE. Somebody who is dressed like Marty Jannetty comes in and throws Helms right through the glass window of the barbershop.

We go back and forth to Chad 2 Badd and Sex Ferguson training for their Ball for a Ball match. Badd says he has a brand-new faction and for everybody to prepare for the Rise of Retripootion. Ferguson says what kind of stupid ass New York idea is that, but if he wants “whore-fare” he has Uncle Bobby Ferguson and his cousin Larry D. In the middle of the promo it cuts to a Wyatt Family style promo where Gallows is in a Jason Vorhees mask saying to let the torture begin.

Ball for a Ball Match: Chad 2 Badd vs. Sex Ferguson

It is now dark outside as Dave Penzer announces the main event. Anderson is shown inside the hearse and tells Vernon that he will make an epic entrance to pull in reverse slowly. Vernon does the opposite, and the casket goes flying out of the car and Anderson pops out. Josh Morningstar on guitar is out to perform about the match to introduce Doc Gallows as Sex Ferguson. Ferguson and his family show up, but they get surrounded by Retripootion. They have a bit of trouble getting out of the truck but eventually do, Larry D gets the worst of the Retripootion beat down. Running gag of the night of them farting and ‘smelling like shit’ continues. Ferguson says after he rips Badd’s nuts out there won’t be any more Asian babies running around. They both admit to Retripootion smelling like a shit gimmick and call it a ‘Koskey’. They call to the first cameo where we see Mordecai who comes in with his giant cross but misses when he tries to ram Badd with it. Badd attempts to rip his balls up but Triple Huh comes in and they both act like it’s really Hunter and is still disappointed that he lied to them. Triple Huh ends up hitting Ferguson with his sledgehammer. Badd then rips off a fake tongue out of Ferguson’s mouth. They continue to talk about each other’s testicles before realizing there’s a sex swing outside that Gallows gets on. Sick Nick Mondo comes in with a weed wacker, but Romero stops him saying they don’t have insurance for this. Gallows’ wife comes in with adult film star Annie Cruz and questions what is going on. Gangrel comes out with fake Brood music because they said they couldn’t afford the real one. Badd is excited but Gangrel spits the blood right at Badd’s balls and Badd’s sells it like it was acid saying, “Fuck you Gangrel, you’re such a piece of shit”. They go back and forth with some shenanigans using sex toys that end with Chad tying Ferguson’s dick with rope to a truck and they get interrupted by Nathan Orton. They then hear somebody crying and it’s the “It’s Still Real to Me, Dammit”, guy.

Chad tells Vernon to start the truck, Gallows cries to stop it and he’ll give him all the Patreon money back if he stops. As the truck backs up, they realize it’s Vernon’s wife dead and bleeding. As Chad kicks Ferguson in the balls, he goes down himself and they get attacked by Zombie Alex Kozlov, Zombie Sami Callihan, and Zombie Madman Fulton but get saved by Ethan Page in his Karate Man gimmick. Page says he’s only tortured one penis in his life but tonight that changes before hitting a double chop to both of theirs saying “More torture”. Heath comes out in Wolfpack “Stang” gear and attacks both their balls with a bat. “More torture” as Mr. Hughes and Virgil (named Vincent) come out and attack the balls some more. The next stage of torture has more power and more pain as The Warlord and the Barbarian come out and literally rip the balls off as blood splatters onto the screen. Scott Steiner comes out and says what’s wrong with your motherfuckers, you book yourself in the main event and you ‘bust your balls’. Fuck you, fuck you, this pay per view suck and it’s worse than the first’. Chad says Big Poppa Pump has got a point. Penzer announces the winners are the Cock Torturers, the cWo. We cut to the cWo eating Pork King Good and breadsticks, they get interrupted by Scott D’Amore as Steiner goes on about this PPV being worse than the first and goes on with some Steiner math about how bad it is and how they both lost their balls and there is no winner. Gallows as their masked leader says the cWo is here before someone says to them, they haven’t trademarked it yet. They say the cWo is here as they all laugh maniacally for an uncomfortable long time. It goes to a freeze-frame where it says To Be Continued… Maybe.

Winners: The cWo?

We cut to Bryan Alvarez saying how terrible this PPV was, but he loved it. Gail Kim says it was ok, but Robert Irvine thinks the Good Brothers were not that ‘good’ and their food is probably garbage. Matt Cardona shows up to challenge Rory Fox to a tuxedo match and will send him $1,000 for him to buy the finest suit.  Adult film star Lisa Ann seemed to like it; Ricky Morton is upset that Robert Gibson was selling gimmicks without him but admits they never saw ‘eye to eye’ anyway. NZO is seen at an airport going to Talk N Shop A Mania 2 but realizes they tried to fly him with Spirit Airlines and decided not to do it and leaves to go back home.

Siino Vision: Oh boy, where do I start. I must admit, I enjoyed this more than the first PPV as with that one I did not know what to expect as I wasn’t too familiar with the Good Brothers type of humor. With this, I went in prepared for the worst (literally), but there was some fun stuff on here! I’ll admit the Evolution stuff was probably the funniest to me, as they got the music parody down pat as well as the slow-motion entrance. Some fun cameos and call back to the first show, and I’ll admit they got me excited for Talk N’ Shop A Mania 3 (if it happens).

About John Siino 371 Articles
New York native and reporter at POST Wrestling. He is also Associate Producer at POISONRANA, co-host of 'Collision Course' and the host of the 'Shot in the Dark' podcast.