POLLOCK’S IMPACT REPORT: The wedding didn’t go as planned

John Pollock's review of Impact Wrestling featuring the wedding involving Brian Cage and Melissa Santos, an appearance by Ken Shamrock to build up BFG.

RESULTS:
*Rob Van Dam & Rhino over Ethan Page & Josh Alexander in 7:04 in a non-title match
*Mahabali Shera over Cousin Jake in 2:35
*Tenille Dashwood over Madison Rayne in 8:11
*Tessa Blanchard over Dave Crist in 6:19

The show started with a montage of photos with Brian Cage and Melissa Santos with the romantic feel of a Facebook memory video ahead of tonight’s wedding segment.

They went all out with Josh Mathews and Don Callis dressed in tuxedos for the wedding. Gabby Loren was the wedding correspondent at the hall and interviewed Gail Kim.

The North came out to LAX’s entrance dressed as Santana and Ortiz. Alexander said they came to the ring dressed as “morons” and “losers” yet the people still cheered. Alexander cut a strong promo about being a professional wrestler in a professional ring and tore off the shirt and stepped on it. Page made fun of fans complaining about LAX leaving and said the team is never coming back and Konnan cannot overcome The North.

Konnan walked out and ran the two down and looked like jackasses. Page said they look like that jackasses because they are dressed like LAX, which was a good line. Konnan said he has a lot of friends and introduced Rob Van Dam and Rhino.

THE NORTH VS ROB VAN DAM & RHINO IN A NON-TITLE MATCH

The crowd in Las Vegas reacted well to Van Dam and Rhino, so they were into the match. They started chanting “ECW” and “RVD” while Alexander was in control of Van Dam.

Mathews and Callis discussed champagne, so Callis made a joke about “the bubbly” and Mathews found that to be hysterical.

Page superkicked Rhino to prevent him from hitting Alexander with a gore. Alexander and Konnan had a tug-of-war with the tag title setting up a gore from Rhino and Van Dam pinned Alexander after a five-star frog splash.

WINNERS: Rhino & Rob Van Dam in 7:04

This sets up a tag title program with the victory by Van Dam and Rhino. It is unfortunate with LAX leaving that Konnan is currently floating around and being paired with the ECW guys doesn’t gel for me. He’s one of the best talkers in the industry and long-term, he should have a new stable of guys.

The match was fine for a short television match and the audience reacted to the stars. The North has a great thing going and the act designed to be pushed as the top rising stars over the legends.

Gama Singh ran down the Desi Hit Squad and called their loss to the Deaners the lowest moment of his career. He has recruited Mahabali Shera and told them “no more losing” or they would be replaced, including his son.

Loren was with Eddie Edwards at the wedding. The highlight was Johnny Swinger swooping in and reminding Loren who he has from “ECW on TNN on Friday Nights” right after Rock ‘N’ Bowl.

Gama Singh introduced Mahabali Shera and the Desi Hit Squad, who got on their knees to bow to Gama.

MAHABALI SHERA VS COUSIN JAKE

Cousin Jake is the former Jake Something for those not following Impact Wrestling.

Shera hit the Sky High and his World’s Strongest Slam to win the match.

WINNER: Mahabali Shera in 2:35

Cody Deaner attacked Shera until they tripped him from the floor, and he was laid out by Shera’s slam, as well. The audience yelled, “you still suck”.

TJP and Fallah Bahh argued at the wedding over Bahh’s attire and Eddie Edwards is drunk.

MADISON RAYNE VS TENILLE DASHWOOD

Callis called Rayne “the Bret Hart of this organization” for her leadership in the locker room and was putting her over incessantly, which led to Mathews dismissing Callis and was rather amusing.

The match consisted of as many Bret Hart references as Callis could work in. Rayne worked the crowd with one-liners that generated a reaction including “shut up, old lady”.

Dashwood kicked out from a cutter. She came with the running crossbody into the corner. Dashwood won with the spotlight, which is a running kick to the head.

WINNER: Tenille Dashwood in 8:11

The match picked up at the end with Dashwood’s closing sequence, the audience kept themselves entertained with Rayne’s comments.

Loren asked Rob Van Dam and girlfriend Katie Forbes if they would be the next to get married, Van Dam got nervous right as Willie Mack and Rich Swann interrupted. They congratulated Van Dam on beating The North earlier tonight, so Van Dam finished his match and got to this wedding in a half-hour. Swann and Mack said they also want a shot at the tag titles.

It was announced that Taya Valkyrie will defend the Knockout’s title against Tenille Dashwood at Bound for Glory on October 20th.

Ken Shamrock came out, which got a strong response from the crowd. He talked about winning the “Impact Wrestling championship belt” (well, it was the NWA title) in 2002 and now he’s back. The interview was heavily edited with obvious cuts. He started talking about his feud with Moose and the delivery was good. He came to Las Vegas to “put Moose in his grave” and he showed up, but Moose isn’t here.

Moose appeared on screen and he’s at the Syndicate MMA gym and cut a promo on Shamrock. He attacked one of the trainees and entered the cage and beat up “the black belts” and Bound for Glory will be the biggest night of Shamrock’s career. Moose was excellent here and the promos from both were strong.

Taya Valkyrie met with Rosemary and told her to start returning her calls after she got her a phone. Valkyrie wants Rosemary to take out Tenille Dashwood and then Rosemary can get the title match. Rosemary said Taya has become a coward and should be meeting battle “head-on” and turns down her offer because she no longer respects Taya.

Tommy Dreamer and Rich Swann were with Brian Cage and are the best men. Dreamer gave a pep talk about marriage, Swann added he’s married too and it’s “one woman for the rest of your life”, which Dreamer scoffed at. Then, we were introduced to the pastor for the ceremony, Brian’s younger brother RYAN CAGE. Ryan said Brian got the muscles and he got the looks.

Madison Rayne instructed the other knockouts how to walk down the aisle and got into an argument with Kiera Hogan. Taya Valkyrie informed the women she has a problem with Tenille Dashwood when the scene cut.

DAVE CRIST VS TESSA BLANCHARD

The winner of this match will be added to a five-person ladder match at Bound for Glory for Jake Crist’s X division title.

Mathews mixed up Dave with Jake Crist.

Madman Fulton grabbed Blanchard by the hair and was pulled off by Jake Crist. Fulton was ejected by the official. Dave injured his hand on the post and Blanchard attacked it.

Dave took control with Jake attacking Blanchard from the floor when the referee’s back was turned. Dave blew his nose on Blanchard, who snapped and made her comeback. She went for a crazy sunset flip off the top and lost him momentarily before recovering.

Blanchard hit the Buzzsaw DDT and pinned Dave.

WINNER: Tessa Blanchard at 6:19

After the match, Jake Crist tried to jump her and was sent into the corner. Madman Fulton returned and she went for a tilt-a-whirl DDT, which was stopped, and Blanchard was laid out with a chokeslam. Jake Crist posed with the title over the fallen Blanchard. Mathews and Callis were disgusted.

The wedding party is assembling but Alisha doesn’t know where Eddie Edwards is. Madison Rayne suggests she take care of Eddie more as Ace Austin swoops in to replace Eddie and enter the chapel.

The Rascalz were seated for the wedding and tripping out, The Deaners tried to hit on Jessicka Havok and were rebuffed, Rosemary teleported to her seat beside Fallah Bahh and all these cutaways were pretty funny and clever.

Rich Swann and Kiera Hogan, Taya Valkyrie and Johnny Bravo, and Alisa and Austin entered as the wedding party.

Tommy Dreamer walked Melissa Santos down the aisle as the wedding began.

Taya Valkyrie stopped the ceremony to talk about her great bachelorette party, but this wedding set up is terrible and doesn’t want anyone to think she put this together.

Ethan Page stands up to object how this company is run and is starting the first Wrestler’s Union and change the pay scale where older talent makes more, he asks where their royalty money is and has to read about it on the internet.

Eddie Edwards stumbles in drunk and vomits on Ryan Cage, the pastor. Edwards tries to hit Ace Austin, he missed and knocks out Ryan.

Dreamer asks if anyone can officiate the wedding, Dr. Ariel is told to sit-down and sets up Sinister Minister Jim Mitchell to walk in and take over the ceremony.

Mitchell goes through the vows and pronounces them man and wife.

After the break, the wedding reception is in the arena as Brian Cage and Melissa Santos are introduced.

The two danced in the ring and are stopped by Sami Callihan, he isn’t here to fight but just wants to party and is holding an empty glass bottle. He was not invited to their wedding, were once friends and wants the Brian Cage of old at Bound for Glory because he doesn’t want to beat a “has been”. Callihan raises his bottle for a toast to having a wonderful marriage and calls them “the bride and the bitch”.

Cage grabs Callihan, who goes to hit Cage with the bottle and smashes it onto Santos’ head. Callihan pleads that he is sorry, and it was intended for Cage.

The show went off the air with everyone tending to Santos.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The wedding portion took up the final half-hour of the show and the ending saw a big angle to push the main event of Bound for Glory.

Despite all the turbulent changes this company goes through, they always nail their wedding segments. The first half was a scene-setter with lots of comedic elements that were a showcase of all the different wacky personalities on the roster and built up the “fun” aspect before the Callihan angle where it goes serious and ended with the bottle breaking over Santos’ head.

Callihan was great carrying the final minutes of the broadcast with a promo that tied everything together, including an explanation for why he had the empty bottle.

I thought this was an effective angle and was produced well.

The promos from Moose and Ken Shamrock were also strong, although had Shamrock been live that may not have been the case given all the edits to his promo. Moose was tremendous in the gym segment as the bully while Shamrock cut the “legend returning for one more match” style of promo as their version of Bill Goldberg.

The rest of the show was a by the numbers type of show with The North receiving a lot of attention as the new top tag team and getting a lot of promo time. I thought Josh Alexander cut a very good promo in that opening segment as it’s typically Ethan Page doing all the speaking.

I also thought that Gabby Loren did a great job in the hosting role for the wedding throughout the show. She displayed a lot of personality and interacted well with the variety of characters.

Unlike last week, this show focused heavily on Bound for Glory and it’s shaping up to be an intriguing show on paper with the following matches listed:
*Brian Cage vs. Sami Callihan for the Impact title
*Ken Shamrock vs. Moose
*Michael Elgin vs. Naomichi Marufuji
*Jake Crist vs. Tessa Blanchard vs. TBA in a five-person ladder match for the X Division title
*Taya Valkyrie vs. Tessa Blanchard for the Knockout’s title
*The Rascalz vs. Dr. Wagner Jr. & two partners

There were promos during the commercials for the launch on AXS TV, but it wasn’t a big promotional push and I didn’t hear one mention of the show moving to AXS on Tuesday nights on October 29th. The promos pushed the October 1st date this week, which will be the airing of the pay-per-view from January.

About John Pollock 3366 Articles
Born on a Friday, John Pollock is a reporter, editor & podcaster at POST Wrestling. He runs and owns POST Wrestling alongside Wai Ting.